Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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