so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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