I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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