you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
