bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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