he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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