I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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