what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
