Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
