I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Randomize
