I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
