She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
