I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
