I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
