you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
