That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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