How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
