bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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