god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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