turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
