saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
