My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
