Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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