Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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