that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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