I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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