i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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