When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we should paint friendship bongs
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
