shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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