Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
