Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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