how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
