im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
