Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
