Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
