y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
