and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
