you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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