I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
