He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
