yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
no, he came in my armpit
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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