You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
