:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
the liver wants what the liver wants
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
