i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
