Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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