shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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