I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
