Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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