I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
