Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you had me at cake vodka
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
