yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
