So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
