life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
